Bad Day

Ugh! Some days are just worse than others. Today had me in tears for about 5 minutes. I'm just so fustrated at my bike. I don't know how to make it work. I had problems getting it into my car, so some nice guy took it apart... into way more pieces than required. I don't know how to put it back together. I don't have a seat to put on it anyways.

Days like today just have me crying about missing David. I miss him the most when I'm stressed and needing help. Everyone needs someone to turn to for their bad days. David was the one I turned to when my grandmother died. He's the one I turn to whenever something doesn't work right. If he was nearby he would have gone with me to get my bike. Maybe even have been able to pick me up after work when my bike was not working. We could have just taken the bike home and fixed it. If he was here, we would have gone together to pick up my bike. We would have figured out what to do about it not fitting into my car together. And together we could put it back together once we got home.

I guess I'm a little too optimistic... he's never helped me with my bike any other time I asked. Well... he helped me fix my lights once I think. When my bike had two flat tires, Peter helped me with that. I think Tobbe helped me out a time or two as well. And my bike gears didn't work for days and Peter helped me. But David would still help me out if I get fustrated and upset enough. He'd at least try. Rather than depending on some weird guy in the middle of the night helping me.

*sigh* I miss my boyfriend. I try to always sound happy on the phone. I want him to know I miss him, but not how much I came to rely on him to help me with things each day. I feel so weak and helpless sometimes. I miss having someone to turn to when I'm feeling sad or depressed. I just have to last 2 months and 3 weeks more. Then I get to spend 3 weeks with David. But after that it's something like 6 months without him. Even longer than this time. The thought of that just makes me feel depressed.

I guess that was a very Un-Sarah post... but some days I just need/want David's support so much. I feel sad and depressed. I guess I just have to keep trying though. If I work hard enough, study hard enough... he'll be proud of me and I'll be able to spend time with him. If I get money I'll be able to live there. If I study hard enough, get perfect grades, then I'll be able to go to school there. Everything I do in a way is for him. I need to live for myself too!

I should get myself packed and stuff for my trip tomorrow. I think I'll drive to school, but having everything packed would be nice. I just want to sleep though. Enough with the depressing sad stuff... back to life I go. I'll figure out what the heck to do... I don't have another choice.