Whine Warning *skip if you don't want to listen to it*

I'm just sitting here, bored in a way. I have quite a few things that I could be doing, but none of them are urgent. There is nothing that I WANT to do, just stuff that I could do. I could get dressed and drive to the library, they're open until close to midnight. But that seems like effort. I could do the reading for my class tomorrow night, but I feel like I can participate pretty well in the class without having read every word. I could type up my notes for one of my two classes that have notes due next week. I could pick up my room, I could put dishes away, I could play my Nintendo DS, I could do any one of a hundred things that need doing. Yet I'm not doing any of them. I'm sitting here feeling bored. In a way I don't know what to do with myself when I don't have anything urgently to do.

It's days like today that make me miss David the most. When I'm bored and he's around, he'll always talk to me, or play Xbox. He would bake a cake with me if I wanted. He's my entertainment and he's not here! Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I'm not there.

I'm ready for spring break already. I'm just so tired. Always completely tired. I've finished 5 weeks of school. Two more weeks of school then a week with just work. That will be followed by something like 9 more weeks of school. Am I allowed to just give up now? After more than 3.5 years of university, I'm completely exhausted.

I'm tired of always coming home to a dirty apartment, I'm tired of never having the energy to clean my apartment, I'm tired of coming home to an empty apartment (roommate doesn't count as a human being), I'm tired of the never ending homework, I'm tired of trying to find time and energy and money to buy food, I'm tired of struggling towards some far distant future. Sometimes I just want nice things now. I guess deferred gratification is an important thing to learn though.

None of that matters some days. Some days I still want to just give up. Say screw it to this saving money, finishing school, being responsible thing. I could book tickets to Sweden next week. But then that little adult inside me says that I'm supposed to behave. I'm supposed to graduate so that I can get into the masters program next year. I'm not supposed to throw my life and future away for a guy, even if the guy is really great. I'm not supposed to just prance off to the other side of the world because I feel like it. Sometimes that little adult voice inside of me is annoying as all hell.

It's hard to find the words that will express this constant frustration. This purposeful denial of happiness. I guess that's what a lot of life is about though. Delaying things until it is the right time to do them. Here I am, an adult and capable of making the decision to run off to the other side of the world. No one would stop me. But instead I'm making the same choices as my parents would make! Damn responsibility genes!