Halloween Preparation!

Halloween is almost here and I don't have a pumpkin to carve! :( I'm supposed to carve it tomorrow too! ACK! I think tomorrow after work I'll be going all over town trying to find a good one. I shouldn't have waited until the last minute. :( I've just been too busy to get one though.

Tomorrow night I'm going to spend at Courtney's house. I went over today and helped her make jello shots. I also bought her a handle of vodka. I think that's like 2 liters or something. It was only 17 dollars or so. And she was SO happy when she got it. We then used 3 cups worth to make jello shots. I'm looking forward to wearing my costume tomorrow night for the bars. It'll be soooo much fun!

Nothing much going on in preparation for my Sweden trip. I've been using more Swedish with David, but besides that I've had no time to do anything. Next week maybe I'll have some more free time. I hope so. I'll try to read one of my Swedish books before I go to sleep tonight. Maybe just my comic book. I like those.

People!

Who the heck accepts someone's invite to dinner then shows up not hungry or too tired to eat? I had 2 people show up to my invite to eat dinner then study last night. The guy never touched the food. And the girl only ate two small tacos after looking at them for half an hour while I ate.

How annoying! I miss my Sweden friends, they would have asked if they could come early and help cook, then would have eaten until there were no leftovers. I put lots of time and effort into making a nice meal and then they barely touch it. Oh well, I enjoyed it at least!

Oh joy!

I deposited money into my account today, then went and bought some food for a dinner study thing tomorrow night. I've spent most of the money I get for this month already, but I will still buy Courtney a present on Thursday or Friday and I might buy myself something nice to drink for this weekend. If I can find a 6 pack of smironoff twist I'll get those. They're YUMMY. A bit expensive, but I like them, so it's ok.

Nothing much to say really. Didn't work today because I had to study for an exam and there wasn't anything for me to do at work. I might put in an hour tomorrow, learning how to tabulate surveys. This week I won't have so many hours, but a break every now and then is good I think. I'm ready to go to sleep already tonight and it's only 8.40pm. Might be a good idea in my case! *laugh*

Life is good, even if it does tire me out and I whine a lot.

Exam Time :(

I'm now in the 10th week of school, this means 2nd midterms! ICK! I have 2 this week and 2 or 3 next week. BLEH! So I've not much extra time right now. Today is payday though. So hopefully I'll go stop by after noon and pick up a pretty paycheck. It might have to wait until tomorrow depending on how stressed I am.

David has started giving me 5 words a day for me to learn. Today's words are:
Speciall
enkel biljett och enkelbiljett
kissnödig
jämnt
att syssla

I'll put some work into understanding them better tonight, once I have my paper for class tomorrow done.

New Calculations!

Talking to David today he told me how much my share of the rent would be. 1,500 SEK per month! That's not bad! Not bad at all! That includes rent and internet. He says he doesn't know what electricity and phone cost since they only pay those every 3 months. But he says 500 a month for both to plan for would be plenty. So new calculations!

2000 SEK/month - Rent, internet, electricity, phone
2500 SEK/month - Day to day stuff (food, toothpaste, bus)
500 SEK/month - Fun Things (alcohol, movies, nation fees)

5000 SEK/month TOTAL

That isn't much to live off of, but with rent and such being so low I think I can do it. That means for 6 months (July-December inclusive) I'd only need 30,000 SEK or 3,800 USD (assuming current exchange rate of 7.97). I already have that much! If I add in 1500 USD for an expensive plane ticket... that's 5,300 USD! I'd only need to earn 200 USD more and I'll have enough to survive for 6 months! I can do it! *hop*

Even 12 months doesn't look completely impossible. 9,100 USD for 12 months living expenses and one round trip plane ticket. It'd be better if I could afford two tickets, but I can always ask my mom to pay for my ticket home at Christmas if she wants to see me! *laugh* Or help me out or something.

I might not be able to earn ALL of that money from working, but there is still Christmas money, Birthday money, and Graduation money coming in. I also have 1,500 due to me in January or February from my scholarship. 500 or so of that will have to support me while I'm having fun in Sweden this Christmas, but the rest will go with my savings for my Sweden Fund!

I have expnses coming up too though. I'm not getting any money from my mom next month for food and bills. Have to pay for those myself. Christmas is also coming up which means I'm going to have to spend LOTS on Christmas presents. I should start shopping soon. I figure I can expect to pay 250 USD for Christmas presents, possibly more depending on if my brother splits costs with me. 300 USD for living expenses next month.

If I can get into some sort of full time or even part time schooling my mom will most likely help me out with some expenses. If I can get into this class in the spring semester... she'll probably help me out big time.

http://www.nordiska.uu.se/utbildning/kurser/svutom.htm

I don't know if I can get into it in the Autumn since I won't have a residence permit, but I'm hoping that I can in the Spring. Then she'll pay at least rent I'm hoping.

I can supplement money I have saved up by working at nations, maybe with the family I worked for last year, or any other work I can get. Even 300-500 SEK a week extra would be nice. It will eat into my free time a lot, but if I'm not studying in the Fall I should be able to add to my saved money quite a bit.

Money

I spent about 200 dollars last week. That includes my ticket from David's hometown back to Stockholm on the 4th of January. That's gas and food for the past week as well. I had 40 in my wallet before I went up there and now I'm down to less than 5. I think another 50 dollars for food should get me through the rest of the month. I made over 400 dollars just in untaxed money for last week. (milage+food allowances) And I just got a check Friday for money spent two weeks ago while I was working that weekend. 259.15 Once I put that into my account I'll still have not lost money from the 15th. I was at 5,100 or so and I want to be back up there. I want to keep going up and not go backwards in my savings goals!

The nice thing about working is that I get to constantly see my account grow. The weekend work has stopped for awhile though, this means no more extra checks coming in and my paychecks will be smaller after the next one. I'm glad I got as many working days in as I possibly could during this time. I think I'm going to stick with my 10 hours a week for awhile. If I feel insane I might ask to see if I can get another few hours on Mondays. I can add another 4 hours a week if I feel like abusing myself more.

I wonder if David realizes how hard I am working towards being able to survive next year. How hard I'm working to be able to be with him. Every weekend I talk to him he's drunk 2 nights or something! *laugh* I guess he just has different priorities than me!

I'm starting to run out of original titles

Ugh, It's only 8pm and I'm tired. I think I'll be going to bed early tonight!

Being utterly terrified of eventual marriage in the future is weird. It must be a Swedish thing. Most girls here are married by 24! And probably have their first kid! Which I still think is too early since most of them end up in divorce after divorce... not good for the kids at all! But why the fear... I do not understand this... Is it normal for a guy to be so scared of the thought of commitment? I know he'd rather stay sambo for practically forever. Why is even the thought of making the move to marriage in the far far future so scary? I do not understand Swedes! I do not understand David! I will have to ask Jonas. He knows lots about the weird ways of Swedish thinking.

I spoke to my mom today about how it would probably be hard for me to get a job in Sweden with my name not being Swedish. She asked me if Swedish has an equivilent of Sarah. I told her if I removed the h it'd be Swedish. Her advice was to just change my first name. She said that if I stay there I'd probably get married so I'd have a Swedish last name. I told her that Swedish women often don't change their last name. She thinks that strange. She says she was very happy to change her last name, she was tired of being a Bourke! She says it was such an honor that a guy would give her his last name. That he liked her enough to want to be associated with her! *laugh* My mom is weird sometimes, but I wonder how much of her thinking influenes me. Probably more than I know. I wonder how much I'll have to change my own thinking to fit in with Swedes. I wonder if I'll have to change who I am and what I am... I like who I am though...

Week of entries!

Here is a week's worth of writing!



Monday

The drive here was nice, started work around noon. Got almost no surveys done, but I am doing them the way I was told to. Bleh! I just tell myself, another day, another 64 dollars! I bought two microwave dinners, a bag of carrots, and some salad dressing. I was going to save one of the dinners for tomorrow, but I was still hungry after eating the first dinner and half the bag of carrots... so I just made up the other. I'm thinking tomorrow night to maybe get pizza or something. I can eat the leftovers cold for breakfast if I am feeling very cheap. It ends up costing almost the same to go get pizza as it does to buy two microwave dinners! I might as well get something somewhat nice. I have to keep reminding myself that spending money on food here isn't really hurting my budget. It just adds to it less.

I'm getting a lot of homework done though. I've finished half of my government homework and watched a movie in Swedish.



Tuesday

Well, I got up at 6 to get to the lake by 7. I actually got here at 7.15 since I stopped to buy donuts. I figure since they are paying me for the food I should get some nice things. I don't have to stick to such a strict budget like I do when I'm home. Plus it's hard since I only have a microwave. I'm limited to things that require microwaved water or can be microwaved themselves. I think maybe if I don't do pizza tonight (we'll see how hungry I feel after I stop work at 6 or 7) I might drive to Quincy and visit the grocery store there. It's bigger and cheaper, but it is a 40 minute drive there and a 40 minute drive back. Normally I'd not even consider it since I'd use up any savings in gas, but since they are paying my milage I'd actually make some money off of the trip. I just don't know if I feel like spending the time to go down there! Maybe tomorrow or Thursday if I'm getting very bored.

So far I'm bored, but being very productive! I've finished all my government homework (read 6 chapters and did the study guide). I've also finished my poverty class homework. That involved reading 2 chapters, 2 articles, and doing the study guide. I've started typing up swedish s verbs too. I hope to finish the s verbs tonight and type up the g verbs. Getting the s verbs done will be a big accomplishment since s takes up the most room in the dictionary!

I went to the library today and registerd for my classes for next semester. I'm going to take 17 units. 5 normal classes and 2 PE classes. I'm going to be taking next semester 2 economics classes, a child development class, a gender class, and a political theory class. I'm also going to take aerobics to stay in shape and ballroom dancing cause it's silly that David can dance better than I can! I had some problems registering for classes since one of the library computers has cookies disabled and won't let me turn them on. I asked the librarian about it and she said try the other computer, and if it didn't work she could call a few places for me and ask if they had cookies. The other computer did work so I didn't have to explain what a cookie was to her. How would you like to be running an internet cafe and have someone call and say "Do you have cookies?" *giggle* It made me smile. :)

Well, only another 2 and a half hours to go! If all the boats go away sooner then I can leave and just say I was here until 7, otherwise I'm stuck until sundown. I actually kinda hope that they don't leave because if they do leave then I have to get up and go interview them. I'm feeling lazy and I like staying inside my nice warm car. Maybe I'll just leave at 6 no matter what. I have 3 trailors left. I worked from 7-1:30 today and started working again at 3. So I've worked 6.5 hours this morning and 1.5 hours so far this afternoon. That alrady adds up to 8. Any more hours I put in are unpaid, but since I don't really have much better to do, I think I'll sit here. With the exception of finding food (that isn't cheerios!) I don't really have anything to do that I can't do sitting here in my car. I even have an extra laptop battery in my truck if this one dies. (I still have 43% left though).



Wednesday

Today started out pretty uneventful. Until I locked my keys in my car around noon. Some nice gentleman gave me a ride back to my hotel where I called a locksmith. I havn't had to pay the locksmith. He says to call my parents, get the AAA number and give it to him. I think AAA pays him better than people without AAA. Took about 2 hours out of my surveying time, but I did get a nice lunch and everything. Turns out the locksmith knew the name of the guy who rescued me and he's a church person. I'm going to call my mom this evening once I get reception on my cell phone, get her information, then call the guy back. He's being very nice to do this. Having AAA (American Automobile Association) means that they unlock your car free of charge. The one who has the card is required to be present, but he's just going to look the other way. This makes me happy of course! I'm not going to have to pay anything!

Last night was nice. I got pizza and picked up a 6 pack of bacardi silver or one of those flavored malt beverages that is nice and sweet. I drank 2 of them, and talked to my parents for an hour. My mom and I are going to go to a quilt show this weekend. She's going to come visit me on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to this.

I'm doing a crappy job surveying today. I've made answers up a few times rather than bother people who are in a hurry. I just write down that they declined to be interviewed rather than get out of my car, especially since I already think I interviewed them a few weekends ago. I'm spending today at one boat ramp, all day. And I think tomorrow I'll spend sitting at the other ramp. I'll get LOTS of homework done then since there isn't really anyone who uses that ramp. Although if I'm over there I"ll probably get bored and do a bit of surveying of the shore fishermen. That way I at least get some surveying done! Although I think right now part of my job is to actually stay here and say that no one comes by. It's part of the data that they need. I went and took some pictures of the boat ramps that aren't being used just to show my bosses why they aren't used. (they aren't in the water!!!).

This journal is SUPPOSED to be about my preparations for Sweden, and right now it's just a list of what I'm doing each day. So here's the bit about my Sweden preparation; I just watched Disney's Atlantis in Swedish! That's not much is it... but maybe this evening or this afternoon I'll work more on verbs. That'd probably be more productive. I wish David lived closer so I could just call him when I needed someone to talk to... Oh well... Live moves on.



Thursday+Friday

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I did finish typing up the varulven story. :) I just retyped it from a pdf. I'm working right now on finding all the words in it that I didn't know. I understood the main plot, but a lot of the words in the story aren't even in my dictionary. I put the thing I typed into word and now using footnotes I'm working on putting definitions in. I'm probably going to need help. Even once I get home and use the better dictionary that's online, I still think a few of these old fashioned words I won't find.

I think actually typing up stories and texts, even if I don't know all the words, helps me. I get to learn sentence structure and spelling. The story of varulven was about 9 pages long, single spaced, when I put it into word. Once I finish all the footnotes with vocab, it'll probably be quite a bit longer. Maybe I can get Jonas or David or Peter to help me with the words I don't know. The list is so long though! I wouldn't want to give it to just one person at one time.

Last night I watched Pinnochio in Swedish. I learned a new word, but I don't know how to spell it. *laugh* But it means whale! The more I watch these movies the more I understand. I don't think I even realize how many words I learn from them. Some of what I learn from the movies is just how to properly use the words I already know. I know what a word means, but often never use it. I figure the reason I don't use it is that I havn't been exposed to it enough to be familiar. My goal from now until Christmas is to watch a movie a week in Swedish. If I can find that many movies that is! So far this week I've seen Pinnocio, Atlantis, Pochahontas, and Tiger's movie.

I still havn't gotten very much done on my verb lists, but they are very boring to do. Those get the most work done on them when I'm at school and bored.

David's birthday is coming up. I wonder if he got the birthday card I sent him yet.

Today I travel back to my apartment and internet. I'll upload all of these nice little tidbits and see what's going on in the world. I feel so isolated up here at the lake. I guess it is good isolation though. It's really given me a chance to relax and pee into pits. I've gotten a lot of homework done too. I still have a lot to do once I get home though. I have a makeup assignment for anthropology lab and an exam on tuesday I still need to study for.

2 Weeks 2 Months

Only 2 months and 2 weeks until I get to see David again. I'm looking forward to this SO much. I had 5 months to go when I started, this means I'm halfway there! That's pretty nice. I survived the last 2.5 months, I can survive the next as well. They've just flown past since I've been so busy. If I keep busy and keep working then the time will just fly.

He'll have something to be proud of me for too. I'll have accomplished a lot. I'm hoping to get no more than one B at the end of the semester. I'm also hoping that by the time I get to Sweden my account will be at 6000 USD. I only need 1000 more to reach that goal! But I'm going to have living expenses, christmas presents, gas, bills, etc that will have to come out of my account.

I bought my ticket back to Uppsala from David's hometown today. I'll be leaving at 10:35am on Wednesday the 4th of January. I love making extra preparations for my time in Sweden. It makes it seem so close!

Halfway there! You can do it!

Mid month report

In the last 15 days I've increased my bank account by 737 dollars. Weee! That's taking the amount in my combined accounts on the 1st of October and subtracting that from the amount today. That's not too bad. I still have two more checks coming in this month as well.

The other side of this is that I told my mom that I'm not going to need any money next month. The money I got for milage on my car should go towards at least next month's living expenses. So I don't get to keep ALL of that. But even if 300 or so goes towards living expenses next month... that still leaves me with 437 dollars + whatever I get next pay period.

This is actual money in the bank, not estimated earnings either! Weeee! I wish this would keep up, but I know it won't. If I could bring home 800 a month I'd easily have enough to live on by the time I'd leave for Sweden! Enough for the whole year at like 900 USD per month.

If wishes were fishes the ocean would not be large enough! *laugh* But it's still kinda nice to think about.

I'm also probably going to be doing a day of work at the election tables in November. I believe that pays something like 60-80 dollars for the day. It means missing a day of school and work, but I've always enjoyed working elections. I sure miss a lot of school, but I think maybe part of being a senior is working on the transition from school to work. Pure work would almost be a break at this point, because when I come home at the end of the day, I wouldn't have to start doing schoolwork for several hours. My time would be mine. I'm kinda looking forward to this next year. Knowing me though I'll end up in some sort of class or another, probably Swedish.

LOTS of work next week!

I've decided to skip school for a week and work 40 hours out of town. They need weekday samples. That should make my paycheck for that payperiod look quite nice. I also get 41 dollars in food a day, even if I don't use it. I'll have to use some, so not everything is profit, but still! It might be a bit boring not having anyone with me, but *shrug* Some Sarah time might be nice. Hopefully I'll get lots and lots of school work done.

With all this milage on my car and the amount of money I've gotten for it, I think I'll tell my mom that I don't need any money for November. That is fair I think. I'll still get to keep a LOT of the money. Probably more than I should, but I need it right now! *laugh*

I just have to get a paper done and two quizzes taken before I leave on Monday morning. I should work... but I need a little bit of time off. So drinking right now.

A month is over... Progress Report!

It's hard to believe that it's been a month since I started updating this thing. I have only 79 days until I get to see my boyfriend again. I think I've made some pretty big strides towards saving money and getting stuff ready for my trip. I've managed to save up almost 5000 dollars too. That's a nice step towards being able to survive in Sweden.

I've also been working on solving some of the problems that I might have with David in the future. Bringing up my opinions on things in purely theoretical discussions. He now knows my opinions on marriage and the like. Or rather, he knows the American opinion with strong indications that I have the same views. I'll work more on this in the coming months.

My Swedish is improving a little bit each week. I can't say a bit each day since I don't have time to work in Swedish each day. My verb knowledge is improving in large steps since I've started typing them up. I'll try to maybe print out a swedish ebook or something this month so I can try to read a bit of something each night. Maybe I'll find some website and work on translating it word for word. That'd help me a lot I bet.

Basically I'm doing all I can do to try and prepare myself for Sweden in the summer. I'm happy with my progress! Hopefully I'll continue to make as much progress in the coming months, if not more!

First Paycheck!

I earned 376.00 from September 16 to September 30. This is from working 47 hours. Of this I got to keep 358.71. I will give my mom 150.00 of this, leaving me with 208.71 USD! At the current exchange rate that is around 1600 SEK! Wee! That's only half a month's pay too. This means that I pay about 4.6% in taxes. I can plan on that now. I put in a timesheet today. I'll get paid on the 25th for it. It should come out to 432.00 before taxes and 412 after taxes. I should get to keep all of that since I'll already have paid half of my monthly expenses and that's all my mom's asked me to pay. This means at the end of this month I'll be around 620 dollars richer! Wooo! That isn't a bad take for a month. It's 99 hours of work though! While studying full time!

Somehow actually getting the paycheck and depositing it into the account makes the work seem much more worthwhile. It'll be hard when I lose the weekend work and I'll be back down to 10 hours a week instead of 26. I'll see if I can add Monday afternoons onto my working week so that I can earn more money. The more money I earn, the happier I will be! This weekend I'm not working though... this means 16 less hours of work this week... but I need the small break.

I mailed David's birthday card off today. It didn't make it into today's mail, but it'll go out tomorrow. I wonder how long it will take to get there. I hope he will be happy when he gets it.

Officially tired and grumpy

TIRED. I'm tired! Tired of working, tired of giving up everything now for hope of some future benefit. I'm tired of going to school for so many hours a week. I'm tired of always writing papers, studying for exams, giving up my weekends. I'm tired of not having a life outside of work and school. I'm just plain tired! It's making me bitchy today too. I'm trying to not yell at my friends and David. I'm so bitchy today I have myself half convinced that they deserve it. Maybe if I go take a nap...

I was looking forward to talking to David today... but he's managed to break his computer again... *sigh* He always manages to do something bad on the days I actually have to talk to him. Some days I wonder if he does it on purpose! *grumpy*

Moms are wonderful

My mom came and helped out a lot today. I now have a full fridge, full freezer, working bike, clean kitchen, etc. And I paid for very little of all of this. I kept offering to pay for things or pay for parts of things, but she wouldn't listen. This means I probably won't have to spend much more on food for the rest of this month! I have that much food in the fridge and freezer! I probably have 8 meals worth of chicken cassarole. 5 worth of beef and pasta combination. 10 turkey pot pies left. (so 5 meals there). AND lots of little bags of frozen, pre-cut meat and veggies. We also bought a bunch of cans of soup, some yogurt drinks, some pasta, lots of pasta sause, etc. Mmmmm! Food for forever.

Me is so happy!

This means my food budget for the month should be low. This made the bike repairs more affordable. I paid only 25 dollars of the bike repairs and only about 30 dollars towards all the food. I'm sure I got well over 100 dollars worth of stuff today! Weee! I wonder if the money in my wallet will last me until the end of the month. I hope so! That'll mean I only spent 100 dollars on food and stuff this month. That isn't bad! We're only a third of the way through the month though, so I shouldn't get too happy.

Stuff I wrote down while working at the lake (LONG)

This weekend I've done pretty well for myself. Just worked Friday and Saturday. 8 hours on Friday 12.5 on Saturday. That means I have 4.5 hours overtime! Weee! Overtime is a good thing since it's paid at 12 dollars an hour instead of 8. This put me at 182 dollars before taxes this weekend! And that doesn't count food! I'll get 9 dollars for breakfast saturday, 12 for lunch saturday, maybe 20 for dinner saturday, and 20 for dinner friday and 12 for lunch friday. I also get 5 dollars for personal expenses. That makes 78 dollars for food. (I probably spent around 20-30 though) I also get $0.48 per mile. I figure I'll have about 350 miles so that makes 168 there. Some of that has to go towards gas. I probably spent 40 dollars in gas on this trip. But all in all it's been a pretty profitable weekend.

Another example of my partner's slowness. I mentioned that since we now get the money if we spend it or not... that we eat a bit cheaper. He told me that was stupid and that eating cheaper wouldn't give us more profit for the trip. He knows the math and everything... he just doesn't see things the same way I do. He has this very negative view of people who work for money. He seems to think that people should work because they want to and for that reason only. He says people who work for money are always and will always be unhappy. He has this weird opinion that working for the money means you will by default not like the job. I disagree. I think one can work for money and still enjoy the job. I like my job most of the time, but I still work very much for the money. If I wasn't getting paid, I would definately work less hours. It can be broken down into economic terms. My opportunity cost ends up being greater than the value of working if working does not pay. I'd work 10 hours a week, but not more. And I definately wouldn't give up my weekends if I wasn't getting paid. A job would have to be REALLY great for me to give up extensive amounts of my spare time with little or no pay. I could be doing homework, sitting in a warm apartment, being able to have time to meet with friends, party, and talk to David. I think this theory of his is really silly! I think it's just so that he can look down on those who have jobs that the only reason they'd do them is for the money. I can find satisfaction in doing any job well, no matter how silly or simple.

My Swedish isn't coming along very well. I've been so busy writing papers, doing research, working, etc that I havn't even typed up any more verb lists. Maybe I'll finish up the F list tonight. I need to clean my apartment tonight too. My mom will be here around 9.30 or 10 tomorrow morning. I want to have the house as picked up as possible so that we can just spend an hour max getting it into shape. I want my room to be pretty picked up too. That way as much of the mess as possible can be blamed on my roommate.

I'm jealous that David has so much freetime. He has the time and money to do things like party. I wonder how much my living in Sweden will hurt that. I won't be able to party with him next year. I won't have the money. I don't want to force him to stay home out of guilt that I can't go out. I also don't want any of my friends or him to pay for things for me. If I'm going to survive, I'm going to do it on my own or with the help of my family. The last thing I want to be to David is a burden. I guess that's part of why I work so hard right now. I worry that next year I'll be a burden to him. It's a silly thought because if anything, I'll be helping him. I'll take some of the bills and rent away from him and pay a share. This will cut his rent and electricity and such to 66% of what it is now. Or something like that. I figure he and Jenny can figure out what's going on. I won't pay more than 1/3 of the rent and bills myself. But if they think I'm using less than a third of the space or something, I'm certainly willing to pay less than a third of the rent! *laugh* But I think I should pay 1/3. It will make Jenny like me a bit more. This is always good. I don't want Jenny to be upset that David brings some other person into the house! She seems much more resonable than that!

This is stuff that was probably designed to be more than one entry. But I combined everything I wrote while out at the lake, everything I thought about, and put one entry together for it. Saves space? *laugh*

Bad Day

Ugh! Some days are just worse than others. Today had me in tears for about 5 minutes. I'm just so fustrated at my bike. I don't know how to make it work. I had problems getting it into my car, so some nice guy took it apart... into way more pieces than required. I don't know how to put it back together. I don't have a seat to put on it anyways.

Days like today just have me crying about missing David. I miss him the most when I'm stressed and needing help. Everyone needs someone to turn to for their bad days. David was the one I turned to when my grandmother died. He's the one I turn to whenever something doesn't work right. If he was nearby he would have gone with me to get my bike. Maybe even have been able to pick me up after work when my bike was not working. We could have just taken the bike home and fixed it. If he was here, we would have gone together to pick up my bike. We would have figured out what to do about it not fitting into my car together. And together we could put it back together once we got home.

I guess I'm a little too optimistic... he's never helped me with my bike any other time I asked. Well... he helped me fix my lights once I think. When my bike had two flat tires, Peter helped me with that. I think Tobbe helped me out a time or two as well. And my bike gears didn't work for days and Peter helped me. But David would still help me out if I get fustrated and upset enough. He'd at least try. Rather than depending on some weird guy in the middle of the night helping me.

*sigh* I miss my boyfriend. I try to always sound happy on the phone. I want him to know I miss him, but not how much I came to rely on him to help me with things each day. I feel so weak and helpless sometimes. I miss having someone to turn to when I'm feeling sad or depressed. I just have to last 2 months and 3 weeks more. Then I get to spend 3 weeks with David. But after that it's something like 6 months without him. Even longer than this time. The thought of that just makes me feel depressed.

I guess that was a very Un-Sarah post... but some days I just need/want David's support so much. I feel sad and depressed. I guess I just have to keep trying though. If I work hard enough, study hard enough... he'll be proud of me and I'll be able to spend time with him. If I get money I'll be able to live there. If I study hard enough, get perfect grades, then I'll be able to go to school there. Everything I do in a way is for him. I need to live for myself too!

I should get myself packed and stuff for my trip tomorrow. I think I'll drive to school, but having everything packed would be nice. I just want to sleep though. Enough with the depressing sad stuff... back to life I go. I'll figure out what the heck to do... I don't have another choice.

Updates plans for the next few days

Well, looks like I'll just be working 2 days this weekend. Friday and ALL day Saturday. They're going to pay me overtime on Saturday to get more survey time in. My partner wants to be home on Sunday to study for an exam. Knowing his grades currently, he needs it. The more I get to know Rich, the less intelligent he seems. I guess part of it is that he was mean to me today. Told me on the phone that I only wanted to work more because of the money, that I cared nothing about the project. Projects are good and all that, but projects won't get me to Sweden.

He's failed two exams in two of his economics classes recently. Two that I know of. One from my class, one from another co-workers class. On top of all this I get to spend 2 full days with him. I think I'll drive rather than let him on Friday. That way I don't have to talk so much.

The good part about this is that my mom is going to come up and visit me on Sunday. We're going to work on getting my apartment clean, filling the fridge, and replacing my stolen bike seat. (that was stolen while I was at work today). Another good thing is that they increased the amount I get per mile. It is up to 48 cents a mile from 40.5. This also makes me happy. They back increased it too, so that I'll get that for last weekend's miles. This gives me an extra 25 dollars for last week. Not too bad!

Weekend Craziness

Well, I'm working Friday and Saturday. It isn't known if we are working Sunday yet. I had thought we were, but Rich (my co-worker who works with me this weekend) says that we aren't. But he never seems that with it. He should drink less coffee and get more sleep! If I end up not working Sunday I'm going to request to work Monday instead. Then my mom can come and visit me on Sunday! (I miss my mommy!)

It's funny, I managed a whole year only getting to see my mom at Christmas, but now that I"m living so close I want to see her like at least once a month! Maybe part of it is the fact that I know I"ll be going away soon. Another factor might be the fact that I don't have very many friends here at school. Most of my friends have graduated and left, are back in my hometown still, or are in Sweden. My Sweden friends are my best ones though. I talk to them all the time on icq and skype, but I still miss being able to just hang out. Play cards. Talk. Throw things at them when they don't behave. Etc.

Anyways, my lunch is halfway over (only got 40 minutes today!) and if I get to work early I can maybe figure some stuff out. Usually I use lunch to talk to my Swedish friends, but they're ALL in NA mode! BLEH! Oh well. Dishwasher, then work! Maybe I can find that missing reciept that will get me 40 dollars back from work... it's here somewhere!

Philosophical Opinion

Although perhaps I'm just not looking at the situation in the right light. I think it's completely strange to most Swedes the idea that I fully expect to have a wedding ring eventually. And I expect to have my husband's last name. I'd also never plan to have a kid unless I was married.

To me marriage is a forever thing. I wouldn't just jump into a marriage because I got knocked up. It'd have to be really thought out and stuff. If I get married I want to be sure the guy is willing to put effort into making it last. It isn't just a boyfriend/girlfriend thing that if it goes away, not the end of the world. Marriage is special. It's a promise that both parties will respect each other and do their best to make things work and make the other happy.

Things have changed a lot since my mom got married though. Her marriage vows had that she would obey my dad. Mine would never have that. But my mom is from a different generation. Even though she knows I pretty much lived with David last year, she still says if he comes over, he stays in the guest room. No daughter of hers will sleep in the same room as a boy unless they're married while under her roof. I teased her about it, but I don't think she'd feel comfortable backing down. I wouldn't force the issue either. It is her home. It just means she won't likely see a lot of the two of us there.

I was talking to Peter today and he says marriage is just a way to oppress women. I disagree. I don't see it as such. I see it as a way for two people to promise and make a commitment to each other. If you're just living together, how can you just have kids without really making sure you both plan to stick around long enough to raise them. Yea, a lot of marriages break up, but that's why you live with each other for awhile first. I guess maybe the taking of the last name of the guy could be considered oppression, but if you've always expected to give up your name, it doesn't mean as much.

I guess this whole conversation came up today with Indiana drafting a new bill making it so if you're not married, you don't get to be a mother. (through medical help to become pregnant I think).

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2005/10/3/213554/300

is the full article about it. It is really pretty silly. But I guess it shows the values in my society. I still have a lot of the values myself. I wonder if this makes me unfit for Sweden? :P

Possible Weekend Overtime!

There is talk about having us work overtime this weekend. That'd be nice. 12 dollars an hour for each hour over 8 in a day. That'd more than makeup for the fact that I'm losing 4 hours of work Friday (by working 8 hours, but still!) There is also talk about letting us keep any meal money we don't spend. So we'd get 41 dollars instead of use it or lose it meal money. It will be the end of nice fancy dinners, but more money into the bank account. That would be nice. I'll be gone Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for this weekend. But weekend after this I'll have off! Yea!

And life moves on...

Right now I'm thinking I'm going to work Friday this weekend. Friday, Saturday, Sunday or something. I'm also thinking about giving up my Monday afternoons. That'd mean working 30 hours a week though and giving up my one afternoon that I can actually talk to David for an hour or two. I might just wait until after I'm done with weekend work for this.

I've grown up never planning on keeping my last name. It means very little to me. We talked today and he says most Swedish girls keep theirs... I wouldn't want to. It isn't something I ever thought to do. Sometimes I wonder if culture is too different... I'm a lunatic. A happy one though, so I guess that's all that matters.

I must admit, I feel like a stalker though! Moving to another country at the other side of the world for a guy. *laugh* I belong in a nice padded room with white walls!

Mom coming!

I called my mom and found out that the quilt show I took the weekend after next off to see with her... is on a different weekend. But she says she'll still come and see me. If I get this Sunday off (possible) then she'll come see me then. She's been offering to help me clean house... I'm finally getting stressed enough that I might take up her offer on it. Before she comes though I want to have my room clean. That way I can blame most of the rest of the house on my roommate. My mom says she'll also help me with putting some meals together, maybe we can do some cooking of casaroles or something to save me time during the week. Make up a few billion lunch boxes or something.

Another thing I talked to my mom about, once I'm done working weekends, I'm going to see about working more hours during the week. Giving up the 16 hours on the weekend should let me put in 4 hours of work on Monday. I need the money enough that I should do that. Plus I think the government is probably going to take 25% of what I earn or something. I'm a dependent on my parent's taxes, so my taxes are based a bit on what they earn.

I must be insane... in the same post as I complain about not having time to do anything... I consider working more hours. I probably belong in a mental institute! I'm working on Swedish stuff right now because I'm too tired to work on other school stuff. Swedish typing is a bit more mindless. Perhaps I'll work on typing up news stories or something word per word. One a day or something. Just to practice writing Swedish sentences. Doesn't really matter if I know what they mean, as long as I get used to which words go where, spelling, and how sentences are put together.

Maybe I should sleep some too. It's almost 10 and I have school at 8 tomorrow. Sleep good, Swedish practice later. Night night!

Work request

I put in a request to work extra this coming weekend. I'll skip school Friday, work Friday, Saturday, Sunday. It'll mean giving up the Friday time I usually get paid for, but they'll cover meals and I'll get 4 extra hours in. I might check and see if I can work more and bill them for different days or something. The more work I get in the better!

Another weekend of work over

Well... another weekend, another 16 hours of work over. It was very unproductive. I didn't get that much school work done and there weren't many people on the lake. I think I got 5 surveys done total... I usually get at least 10 a day. ICK! But I did get a really yummy and expensive dinner Saturday night. We each took our 20 dollar dinner allowence and went to the store. (we also had a 12 dollar lunch and a 9 dollar breakfast to spend). We bought steaks, seasoning, marinade, potatos, butter, bagels, cearl, sandwiches, chips, soda, stuff to put into the grill, salad, dressing, milk, etc. hehehe! Expensive steaks too! But mmmm... they were good!

I figure I'm going to spend my evening cleaning, doing laundry, and typing up some Swedish verb lists. I suppose I ought to eventually work on actually memorizing them. But somehow typing them up is more fun. ;) I see more progress this way.

Just one more weekend and I'll have a weekend off! I'm considering trying to get an evening or weekend job once these weekends end... Maybe at some fast food resturaunt. *shudder* But work is work... if it pays, it pays. I don't have much free time... but if I give up my free time now, I can be happy next year and not quite so worried about finances! (Like that'll work. I think I'm always worried about money!) I miss the days when I just always figured I had enough and I never worried! Those were the days before I started trying to save for Sweden...

Swedish progress

I'm making a little bit of progress with my Swedish flashcards. I've almost learned all 85 of the flashcards I have. Another week and I should know them. I wish I had a nice little flashcard type computer program. Something that'd let me put in Swedish words and English words and it'd quiz me on them and yell at me when I missed them and stuff. I guess any program would work as long as it'd let me add my own vocab list and work both ways. I'll have to try and find one tonight since I'm not doing anything productive.

I've started trying to learn my flashcards backwards now. I can mostly get them right going Swedish to English... but the other way is much harder, especially since I'm trying to get all the noun endings at the same time. Ick!

Work is going well. I started and finished a project today. All by myself! I don't know how well I did, but I'm hoping my boss will be impressed tomorrow. I worked hard to get it done. I had a lot of problems trying to figure out how to report the section 8 recipients. I'd never done that before, so I'm hoping I did it correctly. We'll find out tomorrow! It looks like I'm going away again this weekend. I wish Rich was going, I know him better than Jude. And Jude is a bit lazy, it's hard to be productive when you have someone lazy with you. Means you have to do more work. I think he wants to bring his fishing rod and fish. I might have to let him know that he can't fish at the boat ramp and with only 2 of us he won't be fishing. *laugh* Should be entertaining!